** Trigger warning - pregnancy loss, birth trauma and stillbirth **
June 7th 2019, marks Kicks Count's first Rainbow Baby Day, remembering little lives lost and supporting those that follow.
"A rainbow baby is a baby born following the loss of another baby. A rainbow is something beautiful that follows a storm and while it doesn’t deny the storm, it offers beauty and hope of brighter days to come."
This wonderful charity supports families who have experienced previous loss in the following ways:
Continually raising awareness of the importance of baby movements: Mums reporting concerns about movement ensures babies found to be in distress can be saved.
Campaigning for the regulation of home dopplers: Home dopplers can provide false reassurance and delay mums from seeking advice.
Supporting families expecting a baby following a stillbirth: Pregnancy following a previous loss is tough. Our Rainbow Project gives bundles to these families, offering our support.
By coincidence, this morning I had a catch up with a client who tragically lost their baby earlier this year to unexplained stillbirth. Amongst many things we got to talking about what a taboo subject miscarriage, pregnancy lost and stillbirth is, Having experienced a mid-trimester pregnancy loss and many miscarriages myself, we both sympathised with the fact that many people really don't know what to say to you, but that certain phrases can be particularly unhelpful.
The big 'profound' No-No's:
Everything happens for a reason
Don't worry, you can have more babies
You can just try again
Time is a healer
At least you already have a child/children
I'm sure everything will be fine next time
Saying nothing in lieu of not knowing what to say
More useful:
I'm so sorry that this happened to you
It's just awful and unfair, I'm so sorry
I'm here to listen if you'd like to talk about it/him/her
I can't imagine how you're feeling
Let me know if there's anything I can do to support you
Acknowledge the loss/baby/experience
Remember the loss/baby/experience
My daughters birth is the official KG Hypnobirthing birth. It is shown around the world in classes and teacher training but I'm not sure how many people know that she was a Rainbow Baby. It was a truly healing and positive birth experience.
Hypnobirthing enabled me to get through her pregnancy, the pure naivety of my first pregnancy was lost forever. I needed tools to cope. I started listening to the fear release scripts the night I took the pregnancy test. I surrounded myself with positive birth stories and groups. I practised religiously. Not only to ease the trauma of losing our little boy and all the complications and losses that followed, but also from the traumatic birth experience I had with our first son. Being able to channel my fear and anxiety and re-frame my mind with positivity was invaluable. There was a moment in her birth where I experienced a flashback, without comprehension of how the hormones and muscles function during labour and the breathing techniques to bring myself back in to the relaxed, calm, parasympathetic nervous system, I don't think I could have continued.
Pregnancy after loss is never easy, but there are some fantastic charities, support groups and classes to help get you through.
Kicks count are doing amazing work and it's not too late to make a donation - https://www.kickscount.org.uk/Appeal/donate-now