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I train health professionals to support parent-baby bonding, and these are my top tips.

Writer's picture: Crystal MilesCrystal Miles

It has been published that up to 35% of parents report not falling in love immediately with

their new-born. It can be a shock to the system when we’re socialised to believe that when

our baby is first placed in our arms, we will have a rush of overwhelming love. The truth is,

although it can happen that way, sometimes it takes a little time, and that’s just fine.


The wonderful thing about parent-baby bonding, is that is a process, not a moment to be missed. It’s never too late to bond and there are many ways in which we can enhance it.

In adults, an affectionate bond is usually reciprocal, but with babies, bonds are first built from

their innate need for security, love, safety and protection. Bonding is the process that takes

place to create secure attachments and overwhelmingly, the theory shows us that the more

responsive, nurturing and available we are as parents, the more secure the child is. A

securely attached child is likely to be more confident and independent in later life, have

healthier relationships, higher self-esteem, and their social, emotional and cognitive health

will benefit.


My top bonding activities:


1 – Caress your bump

Mum and Dad bond with bump

Inside the womb, touch is the first sense to develop at round 8 weeks of pregnancy. As the pregnancy progresses, the network of nerves that enable your baby to feel develop, and by around 32 weeks of pregnancy nearly every part of your baby’s body can feel a variety of things such as temperature, pain and pressure. Researchers have recorded the reactions in the womb as different people touched the mother’s stomach and showed that babies were more likely to reach out and touch the wall of the uterus when the mother specifically caressed her bump, particularly in the last trimester. It was shown that mothers also spontaneously and intentionally touch their bumps to communicate, enhancing bonding. Babies can also recognise your voice, so talking or singing to them can be a great way to

connect.


Activity – As you relax each evening, talk your baby through your day as you caress your

bump.


2- Skin to skin and nurturing touch

Mother has skin to skin with new baby to bond

There are so many benefits of skin to skin contact immediately after birth. It can help to

regulate your baby’s temperature, breathing, and heart rate, and stimulate feeding instincts, but skin-to-skin is not just for that ‘golden hour’ after birth. The need for touch does not diminish over time and the benefits continue long after. Respectful nurturing touch communicates love and trust. Having your baby in skin-to-skin contact releases the hormone oxytocin, your body’s natural feel-good chemical that can help you to fall in love. Experts say that you can start again even after weeks of separation, it’s never too late to bond.


Activity - Undress your baby and position them so that their chest is against your bare chest

and enjoy the cuddles.


3 – Make eye contact

Mum and baby bond through eye contact

Eye contact is a main element of bonding and important for both brain development and emotional connection, helping to build healthy relationships. Your baby’s gaze is known to reliably evoke yours in return, and they will look to you and your expressions to gauge if any given situation is safe or not.


Attention and loving gazes are believed to trigger a pleasurable biochemical response that dilates the pupils and helps the brain to grow. Eye contact increases your baby’s sense of security and promotes attunement.


Babies’ vision is blurry for the first couple of months, and they can’t see very far, so get nice and close. Young babies can’t hold eye contact for very long, so respect their wishes if they look away.



Activity – Hold your baby close so that they can focus on your face. Imitate all the little facial

expressions your baby makes, yawning, grimacing, smiling, wide eyes etc.


4– Enjoy small chats

Mum and Dad chat with baby to bond

Another main element of bonding that begins before birth is vocalisation. Babies learn to speak by imitating the sounds they hear around them, so the more you talk to your baby, the faster they will acquire speech and language skills. Talking, singing or reading to your baby will stimulate your baby’s brain. It has been suggested that we’re the first generation not to routinely sing lullabies to our babies, that we have been socialised to believe that there are better choices and voices that our own, but your baby will recognise your voice, and those around them, from the womb and it will naturally soothe and calm them. Your voice is unique to your baby, there is no other like it.


Activity – Share a story, rhyme or lullaby with your baby each day, or simply talk through

your daily activities together as much as possible.


5 – Move together


Mum dances with baby to bond

As parents, we're always looking for ways to soothe, interact, and play with our babies.

Dance offers many benefits! Babies love music and movement, and it's a great way to get oxytocin, the love hormone, flowing!


Close connection through dance provides a quality play experience for your baby, as well as a form of exercise and stress relief for you. Close connection and touch are both considered vital for babies. They support development, promote secure attachment, help to comfort distress, and encourage positive emotion and a desire to interact with others. Babies love the rhythmical movement and sound experience that they were so used to in the womb. It is thought that we continue to seek this rhythm in our lives. 


Activity – Turn on calming music and hold your baby in your arms for a gentle dance. Very

little babies may prefer slow swaying while resting on your shoulder.


6- Play Peekaboo

Mum plays peekaboo with baby to bond

A simple game of peekaboo is a classic for a reason. Babies learn a lot from your face (their favourite toy) and start to make connections between expressions and feelings. Your baby is hard wired to seek meaningful connection and games like peekaboo can help to build imagine, vocabulary, memory, and trust. Serve and return games help to teach empathy,

offer early interaction, and help to build positive relationships. Playing peekaboo can help your baby to understand that you haven’t actually disappeared when they can’t see you, which may help with separation anxiety later on.


Activity – Cover you face with your hands for a short amount of time and then reveal your

face with a big smile saying “peekaboo”.




7 – Try baby massage

Mums enjoy baby massage to bond with babies

The far-reaching benefits of baby massage are well evidenced. In terms of bonding, my

favourite fact is that every single main element of bonding is beautifully interwoven into quality programmes, such as the International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM). Your baby can enjoy quality one-to-one-time, undivided attention, feeling respected, loved and valued through nurturing touch. Cue based baby massage programmes support you to understand your baby’s unique language, their ‘yes’ and ‘no’ cues, and different moods across the day, which empowers you to feel more confident in understanding and responding to your baby’s needs, helping you to feel more attuned.


Activity – An easy starting stroke. Rhythmically stroke with both hands, from your baby’s

bottom to the feet, adding a gentle bounce to the legs as you go to relax your baby. Note

your baby should be awake and alert and offering positive ‘yes’ cues in response.


Through baby massage I have worked with hundreds of parents who often share their

stories of disturbed bonding, for example after a difficult or delayed start, illness, or birth

trauma, or when working with adoptive, foster, or surrogate families. These parents

overwhelmingly report that they feel closer to their baby following the course, and it is a

privilege for me as a trainer for the IAIM to train professionals, working closely with families

that may need support with bonding, to use our programme as a positive intervention.


It’s never too late to bond!

Crystal x


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crystal@connectedbabies.co.uk

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